Ahhhhhhh, philanthropy

So I'm trying to raise some dollars for three non-profit organizations I seem to agree with. I have started an alternate blog for these purposes with all the information. Wish me luck. And just for the hell of it, here ya go.

Gilbertology

Despite his past, I think Gilbert Arenas is my favorite player in the NBA, and this video helps explain why:

Videos for the Weekend

Just for the hell of it, I'm going to post some videos that I find amusing/amazing/stupid today, and maybe every Friday. If you like these, enjoy them, if not, fuck off. The first video is this guy surfing. I think it might be fake, but it's cool nevertheless:



Amazing Wave Surfing - Free videos are just a click away

Plantar Fasciatis, Shoes with Springs and the NCAA Selection Committee

It's been a while since a post, so here's the updates. My ombudsman and myself have been engaging ourselves in a "training" session for a new item at work. I'll spare you the details of the item, or the work, but let it be known that the boredom level in my life has gone up six-pence. The woman training this class looks like this, except add about 120 lbs. Seriously, if you were to throw everything she has consumed (food, drink, small children) in her life, it would be enough to fill up this body of water. This behemoth wheezes when she talks, waddles around spouting orders at me and laughs at her own jokes. And it's not a normal, everyday laugh, it's a high pitched maniacal cackle. It gives me the chills just thinking about it. She also wears shoes with springs, and not the kind you're thinking of. These things honestly have springs in them (supposedly they cure plantar fasciatis, back problems, sore feet, corns, and balance your checkbook). If you have plantar fasciatis, I don't need to see your nasty ass feet in shoes with springs. The instructor has been lovingly dubbed Large Marge because her name is Margret and, well she's about as big as a house. So if you're ever in the market for this particular product, tell 'em Large Marge sent ya. Christ.
On to more important things, the NCAA Tournament. I haven't been able to follow with my usual zest. Stupid work. I didn't even fill out a bracket, which left me with a sick feeling when the games started yesterday. A couple thoughts:
What the fuck is Louisville doing playing in Kentucky? Has someone investigated this? It's complete bullshit. It's a well known fact that Kentucky is one of the crazy (and I don't mean good crazy) basketball states, along with...well, along with nobody (Indiana is considered crazy, but at least Indiana has Jimmy Chitwood, Dennis Hopper stumbling on the court in the middle of the game and the greatest motivational speech in sports movie history, everything else in Indiana can go suck on rocks, including the Colts and the Indy 500, but I digress). What the fuck does Kentucky have? A bunch of goddamn Kentuckians who only come out of their shanty's when UK or Louisville are playing. Now they're going up against the Fightin Texas Aggies (who got fucked with the three seed, a whole nother topic) IN Rupp Arena. That's a complete coup for Pitino and Billy Gilespie has a legit gripe if they get beat tomorrow.
Stanford. Their mascot is a tree. They're one of six teams who's nickname doesn't end in an 's'. That's where John Elway went. They were on the losing side of the strangest play in football history. They got their fucking ass kicked by the aforementioned Louisville team. Syracuse played in a harder conference and had a better record. Jim Boeheim thinks about getting pissed, then looks at his wife. Nuff said.
Watch out for Winthrop. As I type, they are beating Notre Dame like LSU beat Notre Dame, with a bunch of superior (read: black) athletes. They're playing with a chip on their shoulder and they have a guy who looks like Busta Rhymes. They're going to be dangerous.
Anyway, just a couple quick thoughts for a Friday afternoon. Do yourself a favor and check this out, and I'll be sure to update soon about trips to AZ, public urination and Eggs and Kegs.

Cleaning your 2000 parts

Is there a better store than Target? Seriously, where else can you get everything from feminine products to the new Rascal Flatts CD to a fire pit for your backyard to a pill that turns the water in your crapper blue. They've even revolutionized the pharmaceutical process. I myself love the store, and find it completely reasonable to drive out of the way to go there to save 34 cents on my deodorant, 42 cents on my asswipe, a whopping dollar on my various cleaning products, and maybe even 25 cents on my shower soap; meanwhile, I walk around the fucking store for an hour trying to find anything and completely rationalizing purchasing other random shit that I definitely don't need, but since I'm at Target I may as well buy the item in question, therefore I am not only not saving money, but I'm spending more money at the damn store, more of my time walking around like a fuckin moron staring aimlessly at shit trying to decide if I really need more light bulbs, car fresheners, nicotine patches, mousetraps, toasters, candles, greeting cards, azaleas, or a shitty movie that I've seen 100 times, but hey, it's only $10, so why not; all the while putting more money into Tricky Dick's pocket with my excess fuel consumption, just so I can have something to shave my pubes off with (I blame you women, and my short dick, which looks bigger with shorter pubes, and the Sex Cannon for giving the rest of us unattainable goals to shoot for) but I digress.

There was a point to all this, and if you've made it this far, congratulations. ANYWAY, I was at Target for one reason and one reason only, to buy body soap. The ex used to buy all sorts of fancy schmancy stuff, but I like to stick with straight, non-scented Lever 2000. What's the point of showering with that fruity crap when you're going to smell like a bar towel soaked in nicotine and tar in an hour anyway? Of course, Target didn't have the non-scented stuff (note to self: a grey dot over the price tag on the shelf means they're out, so says Hector at the Target on Balboa and Genesee), so now I have to go back to Target tonight to get it. In the meanwhile, enjoy this video:



How To Shower - Men & Women - The best bloopers are a click away

Sombrero vueltiao i Lulea

Upon recent surfs through the intrawebsuperduperblogohighwaysphere, I came across these guys:

They run some crazy Colombian blog (unfortunately not about coffee OR cocaine, or donkeys, or Juan Valdez or her), and the description to their exploits is this:

Hej, we are two colombian guys who want to show how we get fun where we are
coming from. Colombia is a very nice country whith good people and, in Luleå,
you had the oportunity to get some pictures of yourself "being colombian" for a
while. We hope you enjoy these memories.

"Hej?" "How we get fun?" I may be crazy (and in all fairness, I am), but upon review of their blog, methinks that Tim Hardaway does not approve of "being Columbian". Or he at least wants to be told upfront if you're Colombian, or if you have coffee or cocaine, I think mules and their women are safe, though.

Elbows and Knees

Two days, two horrific basketball injuries. This led me to think, when did the game of basketball become so dangerous? Everyone knows football is dangerous (concussions, snapped legs, herpes from strippers in Atlanta), but the basketball injury seems to be a new phenomenon. I myself realized the dangers of roundball many years ago, when I (at the ripe height of 4'6"ish) decided to become the next Spud Webb. I set up a trash can upside down, climbed on top of it, and attempted a dunk(using my newly acquired Pizza Hut Final Four ball), subsequently knocking the trash can over, slipping off the rim, and falling ass-first onto the concrete, the ball following to bonk me in the head for good measure. I thought my injury was painful, but good gravy, this weekend took it up a notch. For those who enjoy other people in pain, or are just sick, sick individuals, check out the links below:

Brian Butch's Elbow
Shaun Livingston's Knee